It's been one full year since I became aware of my condition.
The changes I have undergone in this year amaze me sometimes. Sure, I've had many ups and downs, as most would in a typical year, but I'm talking about philosophical changes. Changes in perspective, in attitude, and changes in my core self.
I went from someone coasting through life, just trying to make it to the next weekend to someone that wakes up every morning/afternoon grateful to be alive.
Funny how the prospect of dying changing your every day living.
I've had many moments of doubts.
I've had moments of anger; moments of rage.
I've had moments of undeniable and abject sadness and fear.
I've had moments of self pity.
I've had moments.
But a moment only lasts for so long. A year is made of 565,600 moments. Speaking strictly in terms of the odds, I'd say I've had more positive moments than those of doubt, rage, sadness and fear.
I'm a different person than I was a year ago.
But somehow, I am still the same.
It's hard to put into the words.
I'm still dying.
I'm still not happy about it.
And yes, I'm still afraid.
But I'm no longer afraid of living, and I've realized I may not be able to beat this this thing, but I can give it a run for it's money.
I have love. I have everything.
"Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love? Measure in love"
-Seasons of Love; "Rent"
