If I could do it all over again...

One of the topics I now cling to is that of regret. I guess it goes hand in hand with this nostalgia for better days.

I sometimes wax poetic on the many choices I have made in my life, and with the superpower of hindsight at my disposal, question them.

Do I regret many things I have done? Sure. But oddly enough not as many as I would have thought. I regret times I've lost control of my anger and said things or done things just to inflict pain, not because I actually felt them. Things I have done, or said that I genuinely felt, regardless of the outcome, those things I do not regret.

So does that mean I'm genuinely happy with my progress in life if my regrets do not outweigh my triumphs? I don't know.

I'd still do a few things differently.

Not many things, just a handful really.

I'd love to have a conversation with myself and give myself advice at various stages of my development.

I'd take 4 year old Anna aside and say, "You won't always be lonely. You'll make friends who will genuinely like you for you. Don't try so hard."

7 year old Anna would be told, "Girls are jerks. Forget them and stop trying to be something you're not comfortable with. Go play with the boys and ignore their taunts."

My 10 year old self would be told, "Buy that Don Mattingly card for $1. You'll always regret it if you don't."

Teenage Anna at the ripe old age of 16 would receive the best advice. "Don't be ashamed. You are more beautiful than you believe yourself to be. Don't sell yourself short. Don't be afraid. Your heart may hurt but it will never break permanently. Go to the University of Miami."

It's bittersweet to linger on these thoughts. I remember my innocence and long for it, but don't wish to lose the self I've become.

We are after all the sum of our experiences and by default, our choices. Sure I may not have the job I want, but I am the person I want to be. Perhaps those things I wish I could change, those regrets I would prefer to avoid, are the very things that have shaped me.

I still wish I had bought that 1986 Topps Don Mattingly card, though.