In my heart I want to live forever...

This time of year always gets to me.

I know that's not an isolated phenomenon. The holidays tend to hit everyone especially hard. It's like, if you're given a moment of peace, in the stillness of your mind you can't help but think of what you lack versus what you have.

You look around the table and instead of seeing the smiling faces of your loved ones that are physically there, all you see are the vacant seats that were emptied much too soon.

In my melancholia, I can't help but wonder if my seat will be vacant soon. And if so, will someone glance and see me as missing?

It's an interesting perspective. That is, to look at loss during the holidays from the other side of the proverbial veil.

I don't really want to be mourned once I'm gone, but at the same time I do want my absence to be noticed. Will it be noticed?

Shakespeare once noted, "The evil that men do lives on after them; the good is oft interred with their bones..."

What good have I done to be buried along side me? Will my trespasses truly be all that's remembered?

I don't know.

I hope not.

I leave no heirs; no legacy.

All I leave will be that empty chair at the table.

But I guess I'm giving up again
I guess it's fair
I guess it's fair
I guess it's fair
I just don't... care.