Under pressure...

I've been finding myself humming the opening riff of what folks my age would automatically recognize as "Ice Ice Baby."

However, I not doing so as a plea to "stop, collaborate and listen." I'm doing so because what it am is "Under Pressure."

I'm under pressure at work.

I'm under pressure at home.

I'm under pressure at my doctor's office.

It seems all I do is work all the time, and yet there's never any money to show for it. It gets sucked up by my doctors, medicines, procedures and tests. It disappears immediately. 

I worry about money constantly.

I worry about my health constantly.

I worry about my family.

And on those rare days I feel worry-free? Someone will ALWAYS show up and drop a new worry in my lap.

I'm the one everyone comes to when they are in trouble. I'm expected to solve their problems. I'm supposed to know all the answers. I'm the strong one they say.

I'm not strong. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I'm not fucking strong. 

I just want to sit in a dark room and cry angry, frustrated tears.

I want to run outside and scream.

I want out of this situation.

I just want out.

Why won't they let me out?

My doctor told me I've developed an ulcer. The response I got from my support system? What do you have to be stressed about?

What do *I* have to be stressed about?

This is my last dance.

This is myself, under pressure.