I am beyond exhausted.
After a late night visit to my local emergency room with a fever that spiked as high as 103, I was informed that somehow, somewhere my body had picked up a bacteria infection.
Fun fact about my medical condition, bacteria infections are very hard to fight off.
Then after being on 2 different antibiotics, I'm informed that the cultures they took, well, they show this strain is resistant to both antibiotics and I would need to discontinue both and start a third.
5 days I was on these other antibiotics. 5 days I thought I was getting better, but in fact I was getting worse. My body could feel it. My fatigue was soul crushing. I couldn't stay awake, I couldn't sleep. Every part of my body that could possibly hurt did. I couldn't eat, I couldn't throw up... there was absolutely no relief.
I had never seriously thought of taking my own life.
I did this past week.
Repeatedly.
I'm on day 2 of the new antibiotic. It's too early to say if it's working or not, but my cloudiness and dizziness is at the lowest it has been this week, so I suppose that's a good sign.
I can't wait for this fatigue to lift.
I've got things to do, and places to be, or something along those lines.
But this "minor" illness I've experienced this week has opened my eyes a bit. If as my disease progresses, this is what I have to look forward to, well, I sure as hell can't blame the patients of Dr Kevorkian for requesting a way out.
That's not to say that I would do that. It's just that, I do understand the mentality behind it.
I'm too much of a coward to go out like that anyway.
I don't want to go to hell, even if my actions on earth will lead me there.
I'm going on my own merits.
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