It's hard to accept sometimes that although my life, for all intents and purposes has come to a halt, while I await test results, or await my next doctor's appointment, the world continues to spin on.
There's a strange feeling in this stillness; this limbo.
It's like I'm suspended between breaths, unable to move forward, unable to even voice my worries.
And yet, I'm the only one feeling this.
Everywhere I go, every one I see is living their life. They continue on walking in circles, going through the maze, unaware of the fact that I am standing still.
Even my doctor.
The doctor I've come to rely on, only because he was the one that took the call when this whole thing began...
This doctor's life goes on.
I live for each new breath I receive when I see him, since each appointment brings with it new results, and possible new avenues to explore in battling this illness... and yet, he cancels.
He cancels my appointment because his life is ongoing. His schedule needs to change to meet the demands of his life. He can't stand still.
I have no choice but to stand still. I stand still because he took away my bridge. I cannot cross without it.
I pace in place. I hold my breath. I'm in limbo.
My doctor's living.
I'm slowly dying.
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