Every now and then I'll have a flashback of a simpler time. A time when my future seemed so far away, and all the cares of adulthood were but scary stories told by the elders in order to straighten out misguided youths.
In those days I was invincible.
There were no consequences to any action I could even dream of having.
I could eat anything, drink anything, heck, I could pretty much do anything... I was magnificent in my ignorance.
Today I am less.
Today what I lack in magnificence, I make up for by my equal lack of ignorance. I know too much.
Knowing too much clouds my memories.
I cannot wax poetic about my misspent youth, marveling at my feats of derring- do, laughing at my idiocy without the ever present spectre of "what if" lurking in the shadows.
What if I had known where I would be 15 years down the line? Would I have changed my actions? Would that have made a difference?
I know I cannot dwell on the past. It does me no good. It's just a shame I tend to remember it all so vividly.
15 years.
15 years ago I was 20 years old, arrogant in my zest for life.
Less than month ago, I was 35 years old, humbled by my body's betrayal.
And now I no longer have my memories to look to for comfort.
All I have is the shame of a wasted life.
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